Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Never judge a film by its visuals.

“Valerian and the City of the Thousand Planets” is a grand disappointment as a result of terrible casting, dysfunctional plot, and moments that scream of insipidness. If a film spends over $200 million for production (the highest ever for a French film), it ought to at least break even. Unfortunately, “Valerian” has barely topped $90 million in revenue in two weeks after its release. In all fairness, the visually stunning movie was forced to endure immense competition with “Dunkirk” and “Spiderman: Homecoming”, but if "Transformers: The Last Knight" garnered $600 million just for a hail of classic Michael Bay style explosions, why can’t “Valerian”?

Unless acquainted with the comic series of the same name “Valerian”, Luc Besson introduces a title in Hollywood that is new for most people including me. The trailers boasted some convincing action sequences, creative designs of aliens and an interesting premise that were all reminiscent of the "Star Wars" franchise and Besson's past blockbuster, “The Fifth Element”. Besides, if I was shown the same trailer twice consecutively in one sitting in the theater, it has got to be worth a try.

The reason why I conclude “Valerian” as a grand disappointment, is not because it failed to deliver its promises based on the trailers. On the contrary, this movie had an immeasurable potential to be a blockbuster, but was completely mishandled with flawed writing and casting. In plain terms, “Valerian” is about an Intergalactic Space Station (named Alpha) in the 28th century that houses a diverse number of alien species living in harmony and exchanging their knowledge and culture. When an unidentifiable force threatens the station, special human agents Valerian and his partner Laureline are forced to traverse uncharted territories to discover secrets of aliens’ history and to protect the future of the universe. Clearly, the movie follows a traditional plot structure that is prevalent in the action-adventure genre, which some people welcome, and some dismiss. However, the premise of “Valerian” is very underrated because the variety inherent within the storyline is one of the film’s strength. You regularly encounter eccentric characters like the amusing Shingouz trio, creatively enthralling environment, and vintage chase and laser gunfight scenes. In addition, “Valerian” at times elicit suspense when it presents mysterious alien races and hints at treacherous schemes from the humans. Sadly, these ingredients are pieced awkwardly and predictably written with bad jokes and boring dialogues, resulting in a story that simply feels underwhelming. It is a shame that Besson was too preoccupied with the cherry on top, rather than the ice cream itself.

The defining weakness that is mainly behind the film's box office flop is the cast. "Valerian" simply lacks a talented group of actors that provides the necessary authenticity and character development, which as a result, undermines the entire film experience. Dane DeHaan (or rather Dane DeYawn), who plays the titular character Valerian, was either miscast or forgot how to act in this film. He inexplicably maintains an unbearable monotony in his vocal and facial expressions throughout scenes that should convey a variety of mood like happiness, sadness, anger, or tension, to name a few. This is a shame because DeHaan's role as the Harry Osborn aka "The Green Goblin" in "The Amazing Spiderman 2" was praiseworthy and realistic, where he successfully embraces the essence of the villainous character. Unfortunately in the case of "Valerian", he was just not born to be the "hero".

The other lead in "Valerian" is played by the English model and actress Cara Delevinge. Why the casting director chose a model to act in a film is beyond me, and it certainly backfires here nevertheless. Like DeHaan's, Delevinge's acting fails to convince me. Her character, Laureline, who is supposed to be the second hero next to Valerian, is painfully uninteresting and at times, despicable. As a result, the romantic chemistry between her and Valerian is largely unsuccessful and non-existent, leading to a plot that is disconnected. Furthermore, "Valerian" not only features a model, but also a singer. Indeed, Rihanna takes another dive at her acting career, but sadly falls short yet again and adds nothing to the film; not even her looks. In general, writing may definitely have an impact on how believable actors can be, but in this case, the three stooges singlehandedly dismantled the experience and left me giggling at their embarrassing acting. And I simply cannot give them the benefit of the doubt, even if I wanted to.

The grandiloquence and mastery behind the film's visual effect are undeniable; it is an imaginative work of art at its highest rank since James Cameron's "Avatar". Unfortunately, "Valerian" fails to deliver the fundamentals of fillmmaking, which can lead any film to disaster. There are occasionally valuable components such as the supporting characters and the fascinating atmosphere, but the writing incorporates everything poorly. Likewise, the acting is worthy of every conceivable nomination (except of Worst Picture) in the Golden Raspberry Awards; so bad that if I was Luc Besson, I would have dissociated myself from the entire casting team immediately after the film's disheartening first week run. Not to mention, the subplots (which every film has) are generally left either unexplained or meaningless, like the romantic relationship between Valerian and Laureline that is supposed to feel special. And as if it couldn't get any worse, the film's attempts to be humorous and quippy are simply futile. 

I love the CGI, I love the character designs and I love the premise of "Valerian". But overall, it is awkwardly executed with a terrible script, confusing plot structure, and incompetent acting, which is a devastating shame because I can sense an ocean of potential behind the film. Sadly, there is world of difference between potential and reality, and "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets", to my dismay, will be neglected by many people.

Verdict: Mediocre 5

Box Office: $225.9 million 

Release Date: July 21, 2017 Rewatchable: No

The trailer that was shown twice in one sitting. They wanted us to watch it badly.